Samhain

Now I am not strictly a Pagan or anything, for that matter.

But I gotta say that at this time of year, it really feels as if we should recognize the dead, our ancestry, and also to prepare for the coming winter... just feels right. thoughts come up about mama, grandpa, opa, s, k, J, J-L, e, etc and all the other dead who have touched my life deeply. I don't need remembrance day to tell me to remember those who went to war for their country. but I will remember those who died who went to war against their will... and those who got killed by others defending their country.

but there is a personal dead which does not get such grandeur of recognition, who may have been just as noble, if not nobler, if noble is the question at hand.

tonight my son and I did a lot of dancing, tambourining, laughing, playing, watching of candles illuminating our personal dead, singing, being together. watching leaves fall in black winds. thanking the food we ate. being aware of the moment in its reality.

it seems important and forgotten. everyone we know is having a different sort of fun- candy, makeup, costumes, parties, alcohol, thrills, horror movies, trick or treating, which is good and releasing in its own way... but I can't help but long for someone who wants to get down to earth with me, to the spirit worlds, to the animal worlds, to nature, to the essence of the scorpion shadow that hovers. there is a reason these celebrations were invented, and it isn't just that...

which brings me back to Home- my cousins and aunt back home. they would listen to crazy finnish, norwegian, swedish folk music with me, go crazy dancing to bjork, sing old beautiful songs in harmonies, fling our hair around, make up "random music" on the spot (not Jamming- really creating intricate melodies ina non-rock-ish way) with violins, Irish drum thing, harps, flutes, tambourines, and of course angelic voices. and it used to move! like really move. poetry would be recited, dark and ironic. total laughter everywhere. shrieking, but in a good way. the intellect and soul and heart would combine through our family blood and bring us together, rosy cheeked, warmly by fireplaces and woodstoves. food would be made. just Pure awesomeness. I am not sure I will find that again. I must.

I am thankful I have such an amazing family, even if they ar many thousands of miles away.