It takes work and dedication and mostly love. Concentration. Time for awareness to settle. A slower heartbeat. Heart-eyes open to the present moment and then something sent there, time and inner space?
so this need to love that cracks the chest and allows all sorts of strange insects and unexpected realities in. I found that I saw clearly this need to love when I breathed in awareness. and the more I breathed, the more I smiled in a universal kind of way, the more I felt like Mary of the Sacred Heart, the more I heard a Buddha's eyes, the more I was forgiving, the more I became aware of how offtrack I have been, the more thankful I am to not be there.
The place and struggle I havebeen in and through this year has been necessary, but I am so glad it is over. The struggle against vanity and ego, the letting go of home and looking for a new one, not really truly realizing I am home... i have always said that, and tried to feel it, and out of anger towards a place or people, having deserted it I feel I don't need it and pretend contentness but am not happy...
this feeling, though, happy. not happy, inner joy. self-sufficiency. love. like that first time in 2001, I was opened, and closed again. so easy to close when you aren't fully there. I am working on this.
so glad vanity is past and true essence is present and hopefully future.
there's been too much anger and sadness and negative influence from lost souls.
bonjour, light.
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